February 1996
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| Baby Zoe arriving home! |
Howdy! To all our loved ones. Well, most of you already know the good news by now, Spike and I have a gorgeous little girl and all are doing fine. Zoe Drew Barlow (named Drew after Andrew Parr our close friend who passed away last year) was born on 28 November 1995 at 9.40pm, after what her Mum described as a hell that no-one should ever have to go through. The act of Childbirth really does confirm that God must have been male and had to have been either drunk or stoned when he designed the female body. An apology in advance to the Christian readers – but what a total Smeg...head!!
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| First Bath with Dad! |
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| Zoe in Maria's Christening Dress |
I don’t want to go on too much about the birth, but for those readers who are interested, I’ll give you an idea what it’s like to give birth in Japan. Some of the difficulties we experienced were due to cultural differences, others were due to outdated practices which may still be practiced in some hospitals in Australia. Those not interested, just skip the next few paragraphs.
Here we go.... At 1am on 27 November (a week after I sent my last newsletter out) I suddenly woke and found myself in a puddle. Knowing full well at I stopped wetting the bed some time ago, I realised that this had to be IT. Boy was I scared. It was a month ahead of time, my waters had broken, I had no contractions, Zoe’s head was not engaged and we were just not mentally prepared yet. We’d been to two sets of childbirth preparation classes. One set of classes we attended were at the hospital we had decided I was to give birth at (which incidentally Spike was the only male to attend). These classes were all in Japanese and not very informative, except to tell you what would happen to you every step of the way. Never once was the word ‘choice’ used! The other set of 4 classes we attended was specifically for foreigners in Japan. These classes were held by the Tokyo childbirth Education Association and were a wonderful set of 4 classes that made us feel confident and a little better prepared for what was to come. We had been told at these classes that Japan has the lowest birth mortality rate but that birth is not considered a natural function, rather an illness that needs much medical intervention. We didn’t at first worry about this, thinking that the hospital we had chosen was a Seventh Day Adventist hospital and was recommended as catering to foreigners and was quite forward thinking. In fact the opposite was true and when we spoke to the midwife about our birth plan, she flatly denied all but a few of our requests. By the time it was only a month or so before the birth and too late to find another hospital that had beds available (although we tried). Two request that were Ok’ed, were Spike attending the birth (which is almost unheard of at most hospitals) and on demand breastfeeding – both turned out to be quite different to what we had expected. On demand breastfeeding was considered nursing every 3 hours rather than 4 and Spike was allowed to attend the birth but was only to stand behind me the whole time.
I’ll just quickly list points of the whole experience that we found the most upsetting –
Only one birthing position allowed – flat on my back, legs strapped in stirrups;
After the birth I was not allowed to touch Zoe –she was placed on my stomach for a couple of seconds but on a sheet of paper with no skin to skin contact;
Zoe was taken away from me immediately and not brought back for several hours for her first nurse, by which time I was half asleep and wasn’t allowed to turn the light on to see her,
The hospital advocated breastfeeding, but sent you to a class on how to formula feed and gave everyone free tins of formula – but there was not a class on how to successfully breastfeed;
My milk didn’t come in on the first day and I was forced to give her glucose water and then formula which led to her not being able to nurse from my breast properly after taking the bottle. This in turn meant that my milk wasn’t coming in because my breasts weren’t being stimulated. (t is normal for milk to come in anywhere up to 5 days after the birth – the baby can last for this amount of time with just a dribble of colostrums);
Zoe remained in the nursery for the 6 days we were there (except when she was brought to me to feed). The morning after the birth I went to the nursery to take her to my room to get acquainted but I was denied my request as this was not normal practice – until I burst into tears and they relented – just this once;
Spike was never to come in contact with Zoe in the hospital not even to be in the same room with her (he held her immediately after she was born – before I go to) but didn’t get to touch her again until we got home a week later.
There were quite a few more points that I could write down but it’s just not worth getting myself all worked up again. We were forewarned by our American childbirth educator about a lot of what we experienced but it was still a traumatic time for all three of us at a time when we were very vulnerable. Spike and I didn’t feel as though Zoe was our baby until we arrived home a week later. I should just quickly say that what we experienced was normal practice for an uncomplicated birth (thank goodness I had no complications), and our hospital was comparatively more advanced than others. This description sounds very critical – I guess it is – and a lot of foreigners who experience what we have, have been turned off Japan for good. However, I guess it’s really just a case of cultural differences and as with any culture while living in that county you have to accept their strange ways even if you don’t understand them (easy for me to say that now 3 ½ month’s later J ).
There....I’ve said my piece. Some of you who have not had a child may not feel much empathy focus, which I can understand, since before we had Zoe I wouldn’t have thought much about it myself, especially about the finer details. Those of you who have, I hope I didn’t make you shed too many tears J. If anyone is interested in the real gory details and technical stuff, I’d be happy to regale you once we get back to OZ.
Ok, with that over let’s get on with the rest of this newsletter. Things have finally settled down, to a degree, in our apartment again and Zoe is now doing all the wonderful things that a 3 month old baby does. She smiles, giggled for the first time this week, drools, plays with rattles, watches TV and talks incessantly (obviously gets that from her Dad J). She’s definitely not one of those docile babies who sit in their cost seeping or staring up at mobiles all day. She’s what’s these days called a ‘high need’ baby and needs a lot of attention and stimulation. The books all say that this leads to an inquisitive, precocious and bright child given the right kind of stimulation and encouragement, so we try and interact with her as much as possible. Her favourite time of day is bedtime as we talk and play real hard with her before all going off to bed. We sleep Japanese style on futon that cover almost all of the bedroom, so I guess you could say we sleep in the same bed. It’s very handy for me as I just have to roll over to nurse her during the night if she needs it and she also feels very secure knowing we are both there for her.
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| Zoe being 'High Need'! |
These days I have little time for much else aside from being with Zoe 24 hrs a day. I always heard from other mothers that once you have a baby you have no time for yourself. I understood this on one level, but after having Zoe, I know now that they meant this literally. I find it difficult to have a shower in the morning or even to visit the ‘bathroom’ at my own pace J). One activity that Zoe and I try to do each week is to visit the senior citizens centre. I went in one week about two months ago to say Hi to everyone there, let them know I wouldn’t be coming in as I couldn’t help out anymore and to introduce them to Zoe, the reason I couldn’t help out anymore. Well the ladies there were absolutely ga-ga over Zoe, calling her ‘Cupie’ as in a doll, and the whole atmosphere of the room changed. After this the Sensei pleaded with me to come in every week and bring Zoe in to ‘play’ with them as this was just as beneficial to the ladies, even more so. Thankfully Zoe’s too young yet to be spoilt by all the attention. She’d be unbearable otherwise!
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| Breakfast with Dad! |
Christmas this year was a very interesting time for us. We didn’t expect to have Zoe with us but as she arrived early we thought it would be a special time. Unfortunately this was one of the most un-Christmassy Christmases we’ve ever had. Aside from the fact that Christmas isn’t really a special time in Japan (except that the stores have cottoned on to what a great money spinner it is J ), Spike had to work and I spent the day travelling to and from the hospital. This day just happened to be assigned as Zoe’s 1st month checkup and the appointment couldn’t be changed. We quickly opened our pressies early in the morning, Spike went off to work and Zoe and I made the journey in to the hospital where I enjoyed the atmosphere of 15 babies or so screaming their heads off (Zoe included). That night spike came home relatively early, 6pm and we spent the rest of the day reminiscing about previous Christmases and wondering what future ones would be like together with Zoe. We’re looking forward to many wonderful festive seasons together.
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| First Snowman with Friends! |
Wow, does 2 years fly by quickly! Especially the last 12 months. It seems like only last month that we were holidaying in Australia looking towards our last year in Japan. With the eventful pregnancy and then the birth of Zoe, time has just flown by. We were a little anxious over the last couple of months, since finding a job for Spike in Australia wasn’t as easy as we thought it was going to be. Fortunately, a few weeks ago, his previous Dept Head at ADFA in Canberra, contacted Spike and offered him a 1 year lecturing position, as one of the lecturers would be on secondment to another university from July this year. We would have preferred a permanent position, as we would like to try and buy a house and settle down for a while, especially now that Zoe’s on the scene, but times are obviously tough in OZ at the moment, so we are grateful for what we have. We’re currently in the process of choosing a removal company as we’ll be leaving here on 24 April (arriving 25 April) and that is just over a month away!
Over the past couple of months both Spike and I have been viewing Japan differently. Seeing the same things, but processing the information differently to be more accurate. Maybe it’s similar to when we were short term visitors here a few years ago, trying to soak up everything about a culture in a short space of time. We’ve once again started to notice the little things that once annoyed the hell out of us, but now they’ve become quaint little quirks that we laugh and shake our heads at – accepting them as part of the Japan we love. I guess we’ve already started to miss living in Japan. We’ll definitely return on day to reintroduce Zoe to the land of her birth, but it will probably only be for a short visit, though who knows what our future holds.
I haven’t yet made a definite decision as to what I will do when we return to OZ. I was always so sure that I would go back to work immediately after having a baby but after all we’ve been through to have Zoe I don’t know if I can bear to leave her with someone else to bring up during the important first year/s. Although I don’t have to make an immediate decision, it won’t be long after our return that my Japanese will start to slide again and I’ll have to think seriously about what I want to do.
OK, before I finish this letter off, I thought I’d pop in a few interesting points that aren’t baby related.
Everyone is aware that Australia exports meat, wood as well as many other products to Japan, but did you know that the latest export to Japan is Bananas. Not the delicious bananas grown in sunny Queensland, but ‘Bananas in Pyjamas. Yes! The ABC OZ kids TV show is the latest OZ export to Japan. The other OZ kids program currently being broadcast on Japanese TV is ‘The Twist Family’. These programs are of course dubbed into Japanese. Actually, I think that they are quite popular here, so we Aussies can feel proud as once again we’ve been successful in exporting quality OZ culture to Japan J.
All my friends at the consulate in Brisbane will get a kick out of the next story. Would you believe it, Spike and I are in trouble with the Immigration Department! Help! I’d heard lots of stories about dumb Gaijin (foreigners) having to write apology letters and to humble themselves to the Japanese Immigration Department but never thought that I’d have to do it. You see, when Zoe was born we had lots of official duties within limited time periods. We had to register her birth, get a medical benefits card for her, as well as get an Alien Registration card (quite appropriate really, as she looked like a little alien when she was born J), from the Japanese local government office. We also had to register her with our insurance company and then register her birth with the Australian Embassy so she could receive her Australian Citizenship. All of this we actually did do promptly (even though it was ‘taihen). While we were communicating with the Embassy regarding her Australian Citizenship, I also enquired about Zoe’s passport and whether there was a set time that we had to apply for it by (as anything official has a deadline in Japan). The Embassy said there wasn’t and we breathed a sigh of relief (remember this for later).
Well, last week when I called the Embassy to make an appointment to have Zoe’s passport made, I said to the secretary, ‘this may be a silly question, but Zoe doesn’t need a Japanese visa does she?’ (thinking that she was born in Japan so why would she need a visa to enter the country). The answer of course was yes. The secretary then said, ‘what, you haven’t done that yet? It has to be done within 1 month of her birth’. ‘You’ll have to get her a passport made quickly and go to the Immigration Department with all the required documentation plus a letter of apology for being late.’ If I had been standing in front of that lady, I would not have been able to contain my anger. After all these weeks of talking to her about applying for Zoe’s passport, she NEVER once mentioned about the visa! Aaaagh! Well, once again we’re rushing around like headless chickens, getting photos, certificates etc, and we’re going home in under 2 months! We’ll probably have to extend our stay here just so that Zoe can get her entry permit – HELP!! I’m surprised that there wasn’t an Immigration Official present at the birth, waiting to check her passport and stamp a visa before they allowed the cord to be cut!
Some of you may be aware that in Japan the vending machine is one of the commonest items around the streets, stations, schools and department stores. There are usually several on every block in the shopping areas and a couple on every third in the suburbs. The common item being sold in them are cans of softdrinks, coffee, tea, soup etc, but here are a few of the more unusual items sold:
1. Beer (yes, anyone can buy it, but there doesn’t seem to be the teenage alcohol abuse problem that the west faces)
2. Batteries
3. Cigarettes
4. Ice creams
5. Cuppa Noodle
6. Girlie Magazines
7. Blank Audio Tapes
8. Rice
9. ‘Used Girls Underwear (apparently, though I’ve never seen them),
And No, I’ve never seen a vending machine that had been vandalised while we’ve been here.
Most everyone knows that in Japan people remove their shoes and put on slippers when they enter a house, and that when they enter a restaurant they remove their shoes also. Well, recently Spike and I went to a local sports centre for his Kendo 3rd dan grading (which he got, by the way) and it reminded me of when I was a high school student some 14 years ago. At the time I was surprised to find that our school each student required 4 pairs of school shoes. Shoes that we wore to and from school and in the school yard and white sandshoes with soft soles for indoors that you changed into when you arrive. Then we had sneakers for Sports and PE for outdoor sports as well as a second pair for all indoor sports.
Well, when you go to a public sporting centre here you have to take off your shoes before going in and leave them at the entrance (in unlocked shoe boxes). Then what most people do is bring a pair of slippers with them to wear inside. In Australia (as far as I’m aware) slippers are seen to be daggy footwear that only the very young, very old or themythical housewife in curlers and pink robe wear around the house. No-one would ever be seen outside the house in a pair. In Japan it is commonplace for men and women to change into a pair of slippers when they arrive at their place of work. Also a lot of people slip on a pair of slippers/sandals when nicking down to the local shops and no-one of course bats an eyelid. The image of a butch Aussie male nicking down to the pub for a beer and a game of pool with his mates in a pair of slippers just doesn’t quite work in my mind.
Also, while we were at the sports centre slipping of our shoes, I couldn’t help thinking that taking off an expensive pair of shoes and leaving them out in the open would not be a good idea in Australia. They’d be stolen before you got halfway down the hall. Now that I come to think of it, this may save lives in America where I am told people are murdered in the streets just for a pair of Reeboks. You may lose your shoes but at least you’d be alive!
Toilet Flush Noisemakers – as Japanese women are very sensitive to the noises made in toilet cubicles, the common thing to do is to flush the toilet at the appropriate time, possibly several times depending on the situation, and then at the end of the visit. This may not seem to be such a problem, however over the years it has been found to waste so much water, so that something has had to be done about it. Nowadays in almost all respectable public toilets (as far as I know, women’s only) there is a device that makes the sound of a toilet flushing when you push a button. The device that I saw recently was called ‘Princess Sound’ and was not a push button, but was activated by a sensor when you passed your hand before it. Believe it or not!
I guess it’s not so amazing that over the years Japan has adopted many western practices and traditions, but what I find interesting is that most people now don’t even realise where these practices originate or even their meanings. I was talking to my downstairs neighbour (and her daughter) the other day about Valentine’s Day, when Mrs Yoshihara said to me that she assumed I didn’t know what it was since it was a Japanese tradition. Strange, since ‘Valentine’ sounds nothing at all like a Japanese name to me J. After I explained to her what little I knew of the tradition, her 9 year old daughter suddenly screamed at her for being a liar. Her daughter asked only the other day about the meaning behind it and she was told it was a fictitious day created by the Japanese chocolate manufacturers. The funny thing is that she was half right. You see in Japan Valentine’s Day is on 14 February but usually only women give chocolates to men on this day. However, on 14 March, there is another day called ‘White Day’ which is when men give chocolate (presumably white chocolate) to women. I guess it’s only a matter of time before Christmas is split into two J.
While in Tokyo neither Spike nor I bought many clothes, but a couple of times we were amazed at the price of 2nd hand clothes in Japan. The big thing here is to sell 2nd hand American jeans and other trendy clothing, such as Hawaiian shirts, for exorbitant prices to fashion conscious young Japanese. You could pay the equivalent of $300 - $400 for a pair of second hand jeans in very poor condition that you’d probably get at Vinnies for peanuts. Also, if you’re ever thinking of going to an army disposal store in Tokyo, their prices are on par with any designer boutique. If any of you enterprising young Aussies out there want to make some easy money in Japan, buy up lots of 2nd hand jeans and army gear (the rattier the better) and set up a stall at a flea market, you’d make a killing.
I still have pages and pages of what I consider interesting tid-bits about Japan and life in Japan, but time and baby will not allow me to write more. In finishing off this the last of my newsletters in Japan, I’d like to say that I may at times have sounded as though I was poking fun at Japan or criticising it unfairly. However, every culture has an unflattering or unusual side, as we all know, and I meant no harm by what I wrote. My aim was only to share some of our experiences in Japan with you, and share what I thought were some of Japan’s more interesting points, ones usually no written about in guide books. I hope that what I wrote was interesting and that at times I may have made you chuckle a little.
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| Spike's Farewell Party |
I hope you are all well and say that way. See you in Australia soon! Ciao!
Love Maria, Spike and Zoe Drew x
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